Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
