I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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