the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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