I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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