why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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