Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
