So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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