Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
