somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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