After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
