It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it was like eating out sand paper
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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