She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
