So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
