Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
