So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
