i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
