I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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