shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
