using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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