the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
