drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
