I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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