my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
