If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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