Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
