Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
