I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
