Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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