Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
