Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
