I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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