I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
