I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
