we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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