You're so nebulous sometimes
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
