please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
