he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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