I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
