I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
