Even my vagina gasped.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
