Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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