so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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