I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
