oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
