Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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