I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
jump out the window naked night went bad
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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