Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
