then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
