Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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