He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
